360-659-2323
360-659-2323
• Your grief will take longer than most people think. You might have physical reactions
• Your grief will take more energy than you would have ever imagined
• Your grief will involve many changes and be continually developing
• Your fried will show itself in all spheres of your life: Psychological, social, and physical
• Your grief will depend upon how you perceive the loss
• You will grieve for what you have lost already and for future losses
• Your grief will entail mourning not only for the actual pet you lost, but also for all of the hopes, dreams, and unfulfilled expectations you held for and with that that pet, and for the needs that will go unmet because of the death
• Your grief will involve a wide variety of feelings and reactions, not just depression and sadness
• The loss will resurrect old issues, feelings, and unresolved conflicts from the past
• You will have some identity confusion as a result of this major loss and the fact that you are experiencing reactions that may be quite different for you
• You may have a combination of anger and depression, such as irritability, frustration, annoyance, or intolerance. You will feel some manifestation of anger and guilt
• You may have a lack of self-concern. You may feel like you are going crazy
• You may experience grief spasms, acute upsurges of grief that occur suddenly without warning
• You will have trouble thinking (memory, intellectual processing, etc.) and making decisions
• You may be obsessed with the death and preoccupied with the deceased
• You may begin a search for meaning and question your religion and/or philosophy of life
• You may find yourself acting socially in ways that are different from before
• Society will have unrealistic expectations about your mourning (may respond inappropriately)
• You may find that there are certain dates, events, and stimuli that bring upsurges of grief
• Certain experiences later in life may resurrect intense grief for you temporarily
Is it normal to feel so bad?
Your feelings are natural and normal. A profound connection – a bond of love – has been painfully disrupted. This may well be one of the most difficult losses you will ever have to face. Sometimes the death of a pet may seem even harder to bear than that of a person in the family; perhaps this is because the love from a pet was always unconditional.
Is there a right or wrong way to grieve?
NO! Grief universally hurts, but in all other respects it is different for each individual. Grief may include any or all of the following components:
· Physical (such as crying, fatigue, loss of appetite, palpitations, tightness in chest, sighing)
· Intellectual (such as denial, confusion, preoccupation, absentmindedness)
· Emotional (such as sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, helplessness)
· Social (such as withdrawal, loneliness)
· Spiritual components (such as questioning and reaffirming one’s faith)
Is there a purpose for grief?
YES. Grief and all the feeling that accompany it are a normal and necessary process in order to accomplish the following:
· To accept your loss as a reality
· To work through all the emotions created by the loss
· To adjust to life in what is really a new environment, without your pet’s presence
· To be able to move on with life and all the tasks of daily living. (there will always be a certain sadness, but once again you will be able to enjoy the memory of the good and special times you shared together)
Are there special situations that may make grieving even more difficult? YES! A few examples are : loss of a pet who was one’s only companion; loss of a pet who has gone through some of life’s important changes (such as a death or a divorce) with you; loss of a pet who represents a link to a loved one who has died; loss of a pet after a long illness; loss of a pet to a sudden or violent death; pet loss associated with feelings of guilt or responsibility.
Is there anything I can do to help myself?
Yes!
· Try to have a supportive environment; talk with caring and understanding family and friends.
· Call the helpline if you wish
· Talk or cry as much as you want; tears release tension and assist healing
· Don’t neglect your physical needs. Remember to eat well, rest, exercise or walk outside if possible, take a long bath. Be kind to yourself. Avoid the use or drugs or alcohol.
· Avoid making major decisions, such as changing jobs or moving, at this time
· Work out ways to memorialize your pet, such as a scrapbook, a poem, a song, a special ceremony, or the planting of a tree or bush.
Children and Grief
The death of a family pet, be it a goldfish or a golden retriever, can be especially difficult for a child. Particularly in these times of changing structures, pets provide an important constant presence, offering non-judgmental acceptance and affection. Children of various ages differ in their ability to understand the concept of death or to express their feelings. Here are some suggestions:
· Encourage the child to talk about his or her feelings. Listen.
· Be truthful and accurate
· Don’t hide your own feelings
· Avoid using the phrase “put to sleep.”
· Consult all family members who are old enough in making a euthanasia decision
· Help the child to memorialize the pet through drawings, poems, pictures, scrapbooks, etc.
· Let the child’s teacher know about the death
· Share a thoughtful book on the subject
· Allow your child time to grieve before getting a new pet
· Call the helpline and request the free packet of information on children and grief
· Remember – you yourself may find much comfort in talking and sharing at this time with your wonderful child
Tribute to Barky - 1978-1992
You licked my plates, Announced the mail. You greeted us with wagging tail. Now I hear your paws no more, When opening the lunch meat drawer I miss your smiling furry face, Though I know you’re in a better place. I look for you through the stinging tears But never would I trade those years.
~by Marianne O’Donnell
About the helpline
The helpline was established in June 1993. The Helpline volunteers are veterinarians who are members of the Chicago Veterinary Medical Association, as well as members of their staffs. They are caring individuals who have each attended a training seminar given by professional grief counselors who are members of the Chicagoland Network of the Delta Society.
· You may call and leave a voice mail message at anytime. A volunteer will pick up messages and call back between 7-9 p.m. each weekday evening. There is no charge for this service, although long distance calls will be returned collect.
· Referral information on professional grief counseling is available
· You may call and request information on professional grief counseling is available
· You may call and request information packets on children and grief, euthanasia, pet loss and the elderly, a bibliography on pet loss, and information on the Delta Society.
· Other information on the Delta Society
Helpful books about Pet Loss and Grief
· When Your Pet Dies: How to cope with your feelings. Jamie Quackenbush and Denise Graveline, Simon and Shuster Pocket Books, 1985
· Pet Loss: A thoughtful guide for adults and children. Herbert A. Nieberg and Arlene Fisher, Harper and Row, 1982
· Coping With Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet. Moira K. Anderson, Peregrine Press, 1987
· A Snowflake in My Hand. Samantha Mooney, Dell Publishing, 1983
· Joy in a Wooly Coat. Julie Adams Church, H.J. Framer, Inc. 1987
For Children
· A Funeral For Whiskers. Lawrence Balter, Barron’s Educational Series, 1991
· The Tenth Good Thing About Barney. Judith Viorst, Atheneum, 1975
· Lifetimes. Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen, Bantam Books, 1983
· When a Pet Dies. Fred Rogers, G.P. Putnam’s Sons, NY, NY, 1988
· Death of a Goldfish (video). Fred Rogers, Family Communications, Inc.
· Oh, Where Has My Pet Gone? A Pet Loss Memory Book, Ages 3-103. Sally Sibbitt, 1991. (this book combines the essential tasks of mourning into directed activities to provide a framework for healing and coping with future losses. It is excellent for children and the whole family.) To order, send $9.95 +$2.00 postage to B. Libby Press, 1426 Holdridge Circle, Wayzata, MN, 55391; or call 612-476-4932.
The Chicago Veterinary Medical Association is a non-profit organization that promotes the health and well-being of animals through veterinary care. Veterinarians, but their concern for knowledge of animal health and behavior, help pet owners and their pets enjoy long and rewarding relationships.
161 S. Lincolnway – Suite 302
North Aurora, IL 60542
708-844-CVMA
The Delta Society is an international non-profit organization that focuses on the interactions of people, animals, and nature. It studies the role of companion animals in human health and well-being, assists communities with animal assisted visiting and therapy programs, distributes educational materials, and conducts national and international conferences.
P.O. Box 1080, Renton, WA 98057-1080, 206-226-7357
There is no charge for use of the Helpline. If you wish to make a donation in the name of your pet it would be greatly appreciated. We would also be interested in any poems, drawings, prose, or any creative expression of the love you felt for your pet. Please send these to the Human-Animal Bond Committee at the CVMA address.
Losing a Special Companion: Resolving the Grief, Remembering the Good
The death of a beloved animal friend, whether furred, feathered, or otherwise attired, whether a creature great or small, represents a very deep and significant loss to the loving human companion. Your veterinary caregivers have been uniquely privileged to observe the beauty and depth of the bond between pets and people, and are therefore very much aware of the pain upon the death, loss, or anticipated death of your pet. To help you cope, the Chicago Veterinary Medical Association, with the assistance of the Chicagoland Network of the Delta Society®, has made available this service.
The Chicago Veterinary Medical Association,
Pet Loss Support Helpline: 708-603-3994
Delta Society, 289 Perimeter Road East, Renton, WA 98055
Common Concerns You May Share:
Is it normal to feel so bad?
Is there a right or wrong way to grieve?
Is there a purpose for grief?
Is there anything I can do to help myself?
Children and Grief
Tribute to Barky - 1978-1992
About the helpline
Helpful books about Pet Loss and Grief
Books for Children
Pets “N” Memory
Specialized pet caskets for your beloved pet
Our uniquely created per caskets are a peaceful and loving way for you to pay tribute to your cherished companion.The beautiful caskets allow you to say good-bye and lay your faithful pet to rest in an elegant and dignified manner.
Our caskets are homemade and hand crafted from fine wood and clear coated with a protective finish. They are softly lined with beautiful and comforting fabrics and trims.Each casket has been given a loving touch to help you through this sad time.
We have many sizes and colors in stock to choose from, or you may have a customized casket made (be sure to plan ahead).
Prices start at $75.00
Local Delivery Available
We can also mail your pet casket to you to help you plan ahead.
For more information please call us at:
Ed & Laura Smith
360-659-7955 • 425-422-2118
E-Mail: epsmith@kendra.com
Say It In Stone
Pet memorials
Having spent most of my childhood around the family hospital, I know from experience how difficult it is for people to lose an animal friend. Say it in Stone works with veterinarians to design and create personalized memorial stones. These are placed in a special area, often in the garden, or near a dogwood tree. - Gabrielle El-Sokkary
Etched Stones
Great Gift Ideas
From river rock to sandstone, we can design a personalized commemorative stone for your client’s pet. The most popular sizes in river rocks are the 5 pound and 10 pound stones. We usually place the animal’s name, with a dog or cat paw centered over it, on the stone. Some customers like to have “in loving memory” or the dates engraved too.
Shown here are a few designs. Horse and bird images are shown in out main catalogue. To see our full catalogue, please contact us.
Community Projects
Say it in Stone is proud to have been involved in the following projects:
· Washington State World War II Memorial on the Capitol campus in Olympia, WA
· The “Motherhood” dedication on Ollympia’s waterfront
· Squaxin Tribe Historical Site Marker
· Summit Lake Community Church Sign
· The City Church Memorial Stones, Kirkland, WA
· Tumwater High School graduation boulder
Just to name a few.
How to contact us
Say it in Stone
312 North Foote Street
Olympia, WA 98502
Phone: 360-956-1017 Fax: 360-956-9493
gelsokkary@aol.com / www.sayitinstone.com
Thank you Comments
“When my horse Cocoa died, I buried her on my property and planted a horse chestnut over her. Say it in Stone made a beautiful memorial to at the bottom of the tree.”- Gwendoline Sowray
“The clients absolutely love them! We get a lot of Thank You cards back. They place the stones in the garden in a special place or on their fireplace.” - Snohomish Veterinary Hospital
“The clients are all very please. Some have a private cremation and use the stones as markers.” - Alderwood Companion Animal Hospital
Gabrielle & Mo, artists
Gabrielle and Mo are talented artists and are ready to work with you to create the look or style you would like to achieve in your project. “The favorite part of our job is working with someone and having them say, ‘yes, that is what I imagined,’ or when they come to look at the finished product and it brings tears to their eyes. I know then we have done our job well.” - Gabrielle El-Sokkary
Established in 1991 and located in Olympia, Washington, Say it in Stone has been touching the lives of many people in the community, the northwest, and around the world.
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